Current mood:

numb

Why My Head Hurts

Some folks have suggested I should be an independent “Geek Squad”... fix people’s computers and make a little money. After 60 hours of struggling with greydoe’s computer, I know why I don’t do that. I really hope I get to go many, many months without opening up another computer case.

Both DJ’s computer and mine were experiencing trouble booting after being unplugged (or subsequent to a power outage that outlasted the UPS). The machines would appear to start, then shut down before the POST began. After something between three and thirty tries, finally the boot sequence would complete.

My machine eventually began to show even more misbehavior, such as shutting itself off when I tried to launch Google Earth; I replaced the power supply and it has been solid as a rock.

After moving DJ to another new house, I set up her computer, and it wouldn’t boot. The behavior was a bit different, though: no POST beeps, no lights on the keyboard or mouse, nothing on the monitors, but the fans turned and the hard drive spinned up. Still, I replaced the power supply, figuring it was just another evolution of that problem. No change. No boot.

I convinced her to let me take the machine to my apartment. I tried swapping my video card for hers. No joy. I considered buying a dead chicken to wave over it, but fell asleep instead.

Woke up at 1 am wondering why I hadn’t yet done a Google search for “Asus P5K no POST” and did that... found that this motherboard has a peculiarity. With 1066 MHz memory (which she has), it won’t boot unless the RAM timing is changed from Auto to 1066 — but, of course, if it won’t boot, you can’t get to the BIOS configuration to change it. So you have to put in slower memory, boot it, change the settings, shut down, swap the memory back, and boot again. If the BIOS settings had somehow gotten lost, that would explain everything.

Made myself go back to bed (not that I slept much) under the theory that I shouldn’t be messing with this stuff until fully rested. Got up at 7:30 and went at it. Based on what I read, I expected that after removing the memory, I’d get the POST beep code (one long, two short) for “there’s no RAM in here, you putz!” No beeps, no joy.

Then it occurs to me... what if there’s nothing capable of beeping? Sure enough, the Asus P5K deluxe motherboard has no buzzer, and the Antec P180 case has no speaker. So, it’s time to rig up a spare connector to a pair of airline headphones I don’t care about to make an ersatz system speaker. OK, now to connect it... oops. The system builders used silicone glue to make sure none of the connectors loosened in shipping, and a big glob of the stuff is covering the motherboard header pins for the speaker. So, in about a quarter inch of space, I get to try to use a knife to get the glue out of the way without damaging anything else. I managed that. I connected the rigged-up speaker. Sure enough, one long, two short.

So now I get to open up my computer and take out a stick of its memory (667 MHz) to put in DJ’s computer so I can boot it to tell it to use 1066 MHz memory. After considerable fussing, this is accomplished.

Then, God help me, I start thinking again. Why did the BIOS settings get lost? The motherboard battery, perhaps? The only voltage meter I have is a really crappy, inaccurate bit of shit from Radio Shack, but it read lower than I expected on the battery (2.7V); and what was unique about this occurrence was that the machine had been unplugged for about four days during moving, and since DJ got the computer two years ago, this was the first time it had been off for even 24 hours. So I got a fresh battery (which reads 3.3V on my tester) and figured I’d better install it while the machine is still here and I have my computer to scavenge for slower memory. Good call, because despite a really quick exchange, the BIOS settings evaporated and I had to do the memory swap again.

Except... then something weird happened that I don’t (and presumably never will) understand. It seemed as if it was randomly refusing to boot. It didn’t seem to like one of the RAM sticks. It didn’t seem to like one of the RAM sockets. Granted, there was also human error involved — at one point I went in to remove and reinstall the battery (conveniently located underneath the video card), and managed to install it upside down. That caused quite a bit of confusion, since of course the BIOS settings kept evaporating every time I cut standby power.

Last I checked, the mother... good little machine is working just fine. If I never open it up again, it will be too soon. But tomorrow I get to take it back to DJ, connect it to the router, and wait for the cable guys to come and install Internet access. (Past experience has shown that they require serious watching. Past experience has also shown that it’s 50:50 that they wil show up when they say and actually have everything they require to do their job.)